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Growing up, were you taught to believe that you needed to have a husband or wife in order to be happy? In many cultures, the family is the most important group for a child. They internalize getting married, having children of their own, and raising a family as the most important thing they can do. Biologically it makes sense as well; keep the species going.
A common problem however is the tie between being partnered and being happy. Many are taught that they would not be happy until they find a suitable mate. This can create a lot of pressure for someone. If you meet a suitable partner then you can be happy. If not then you are doomed to unhappiness. This is the message that is internalized.
Is this rational? Or does happiness have nothing to do with being partnered? Are there partnered people that are unhappy? Are there single people that are happy? Obviously so.
So how does this belief work against us? Think about it. If you need to be partnered to be happy and you are not partnered, then you are not happy. No matter what you do to make yourself happy, you are constantly thinking about how much happier you will be if you could share the experience with someone. These thoughts make you sad, depressed, miserable and anxious that you may never meet someone and die alone unhappy.
Again, how is this helping the situation? Would it be more effective finding a mate if you are happy as a single person with no "need" to be partnered? Or, as a desperate, anxious, depressed person?
The goal is to fully understand and believe that you can be happy with or without a partner. Happiness is not directly tied to being partnered although it helps. And even if you are not partnered for the rest of your life, you can still live a full, healthy, eventful and exciting life.
Paradoxically, the lowering of the anxiety, pressure, and extinguishing of the depression that this belief brings makes it easier for you to actually meet someone nice.
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